Butting Heads

Matthew and I at times, butt heads. This has been the case since he was very young. He is stubborn and I am stubborn and at times this has caused issues.
We had issues at swimming lessons on Wednesday. Matthew is NOT a fan of change and i have changed their swimming lesson majorly. Firstly, we have changed swim schools, secondly we now do afternoons instead of mornings, then last week we went daily and we are now back to weekly. Even though I tried my very best to prepare Matthew for these changes there is always one little thing you can't prepare him for and then he loses it. At swimming this week it was his class not having exactly the same kids in it as the intensives last week AND then he was on the opposite side of the pool. It was too different so he refused to get in. I on the other hand INSISTED he get in. I was calm and gentle in the beginning until he pushed me over in his panic to get away from the water. From then on there was no calm and gentle it was "GET IN THE WATER NOW!!!" Which was met with a "NO!!!" We were at a stalemate and drawing attention to ourselves. I then asked the pool supervisor to put him in the water and i would get out of his line of vision (standard practise for a hysterical young swimmer) But Matthew still persisted. He was eventually put in the water but refused to cooperate. In the end the teachers gave up. (Which is another vent!) Anyway all this led to one stressed Mummy and one stressed Matthew. So after I headed to the shop to get me a coke and a chocolate Nathan came home and i talked it over with him. I know there are times that Matthew and I can't communicate. I feel this will be a problem for us as Matthew grows. Nathan doesn't have this problem with Matt and can reason with him quite well. So we talked about how Nathan will have to step in when Matthew and I get to being in that state. Which is fine but these things usually happen when Nathan is nowhere in sight. So I needed more solutions. My point to Nathan was that I was the mother Matthew MUST learn to do as I say. Nathan's response to me was very interesting and a turning point for me. He said "Yes Jen but someone has to be the adult." That was so interesting to me because I have been brought up with the parents are always right and you do as they say. And when you think about it there was no way in the world, at that swimming pool Matthew was going to turn to me and say "Why yes, mother, you are correct and i am being unreasonable. I am feeling uncomfortable here, i just can't understand why I am feeling this but you are the mother and the boss so I am just going to stop this tantrum and put myself in the pool and swim like the superstar we all know I am! I am sorry!" Like I said, never going to happen. So I have to find a way to be the adult while still being the leader and not submitting to his wishes.

So maybe the next time he chucks a tanty at the pool I will sit him down and ask him why he is so upset, validate his fears and then be more patient in explaining to him that he has to deal with what ever change he is unhappy making and find a way to get him into the lesson before I lose the money that lesson has cost us.
Problem solved! Now onto the swim school vent!
I have a fair amount of experience in dealing with hysterical children at swimming lessons. It was well known that I dealt well with children very uncomfortable getting in the water. ( I still remember spending about 3 lesson just walking up and sown the shallow end with one lady who was petrified. She started out with her arms wrapped around my neck and we moved on to me holding her hand and in the end I did teache her how to swim!) The way I dealt with it was to get the child in the water. Get the parent out of the pool area. Hold the child tight. Continue to teach the class (as the other class members shouldn't have to miss out on their lesson to deal with a screaming child) but the whole time talk to the upset child. First I would talk quietly to calm them down. Sometimes I would use diverting their attention to something else and they would forget they were upset. If i knew the child well and that it was just an act (as Matthew's was) i would dunk them! The shock would usually stop them dead and they would get "Oh great Johnny you just did great bubbles are you ready to go?" Eventually with lots of talking I could get a child to calm down. A child NEVER left my pool upset and with not having achieved SOMETHING. Sometimes it might have only been one bubble. But the last thing that child heard as they left the pool was "Great job Johnny. I loved those bubbles I cant wait to do them again next week". Poor Matthew left his swimming lesson feeling sick and unhappy. It isn't going to be easy to get him back next week as the last feeling he had was bad. That shouldn't happen to any swimmer and it shouldn't happen to any parent who has paid big money for their child to learn how to swim in a happy, fun and safe environment.
Anyway! Thank you for reading this very long winded post. I really needed to get it off my chest!