Compassion and Kindness

Sometimes I feel that Matthew possesses neither of these qualities. Ryan has it by the bucket full. He would give you the world and he offers you the world. Benny too is kind and compassionate. Matthew not so much. It is a continual process trying to teach him to be more thoughtful and caring and compassionate to his fellow man (and brothers!) He is just made differently to his brothers. And that is fine and we know and embrace that. But kindness and compassion are essential (as far as I am concerned) to be a successful human being. So we are trying desperately to teach him to be these things. Recently I had asked the boys to get a bowl out for their afternoon tea. They all raced to the kitchen and Matthew who arrived first reefed open the door. In the process he had caught Ben's fingers in the door. Matthew continued to try and open the door all the while yelling at Ben to move as he needed to get a bowl. Poor Ben couldn't as he was attached to the cupboard. Matthew was so focused on the task that I had given him and he didn't want to be distracted from that. Which is a great quality when used appropriately. Anyway, Matthew really couldn't understand why we were sad cross with him. We had to take him to his room and give him step by step directions on how he should or could have handled the situation. We advised that his first move should have been to say sorry to Ben, his second move should have been to try and make Ben feel better, either by kissing him better or rubbing it better. We explained to him that had he taken those simple steps we wouldn't have been cross with him. And that we realise accidents happen all the time and that is ok. But how you handle those mistakes is what is really important. The lecture finally ended and Nathan and I have continued to wonder how we can help Matthew become a more compassionate and caring person.
Fast forward two weeks later and I think we are getting there! Nathan took Matthew to the Dinosaur Museum yesterday, as per his request for "special Matthew time." And he had a lovely time. However, at the end of the excursion Matthew turned to his Daddy and said "I miss Ryan and Ben. We should have brought them, they really would have liked this!" So yeah my son doesn't have a heart of stone. He does have a warm, compassionate side. It just appears in a slightly different way!