A good mother

Today I was accused of thinking I was "a good mother." It always slightly flabbergasts me that women throw that phrase around as an insult. I think women may use this as an insult because they have measured themselves to be shorter than someone else's yardstick. But you know what, I don't think "good mothering" can be measured when you have children. To me the phrase "a good mother" is a woman who has adult children that are happy, healthy, independent, hardworking with a strong value and moral base. I feel such a woman has proven her great mothering skills by what she has moulded her children into. And therefor she has earned the right to proudly say "I am a good Mum." And the world can look at what she has created and think "She is a great mum to her kids." I hate that that can be turned into an insult. I say to people when they compliment me on my children "Oh! Just as long as you can tell me that when they are adults." How can you "grade" a mother of a toddler when her work has just begun?
But more importantly I believe that the vast majority of Mum's are striving every day to do the best with what they have got. I believe there are thousands of way to raise a child and all of them are the "good" way. I use the example of my own mother and my husbands mother. To look at us we are successful, happy, independent people with a strong moral background and value system. Therefor my mum and Nathan's Mum have proven they are good mums. Not only that we love our Mums dearly and want them involved in the raising of our own children. However we were raised by two very different methods. My mums was a stay at home mum, Nathan's mum worked. My mum had the whole town practically living in her back yard. Nath's mum focused on her own kids. Two very different approaches but the same result. And i think that is wonderful and powerful.
I also believe it takes a village to raise a child. It kills me that my children don't have daily access to their extended family. I work hard at reminding the kids about their wonderful family that they have spread around the globe. I love that Ben speaks lovingly of Aunty Teesh and he was weeks old the last time she saw him in the flesh. I love that Matthew makes a list of things to ask Grumpy when they nest talk (The current question is when will he be old enough to shoot a gun!!!) I give thanks daily to the special 'adopted" family we have accumulated here in Canberra. These people offer the support for the clay that I am moulding. And they are invaluable. Because I am not the only person to "mother" my children. Many people assist in this mammoth task.
So to the person who accused me of this terrible thing of thinking I am a 'good mother". I say don't measure yourself against my yard stick. Because you measure yourself up short and then lash out at me. And when we are talking and I can see difficulties and I offer a differing view, think about it and dismiss it if you like. But know this, I care how that child turns out. That means we are on the same team. However, do not lash out at my abilities. I am raising my children as I see fit. Not to compete with you. Child raising is not a competition. There are no winners. Mum's do what's best for their child in the best way they know how.