I lost my motivation

But now I am trying REALLY hard to find it. I have had a tough last month. I am not going to get into it, other than to say the things that I have learnt.
1. It is my duty as a wife to support my husband. I have thought I have done a great job of that until now! My support of Nathan has been unwavering for over 10 years now. First i supported him financially and emotionally through the last years of his swimming career. I supported him through his undergrad degree and then his masters degree. But support is more than being the cheerleader behind the scenes. Recently, my husband had to make a really hard decision that I didn't want to support but after talking it through i could see the reasons why he did what he did. I'm not sure it hasn't affected our marriage in an everlasting way but I now know with 100% certainty that Nathan and I can talk our way through any drama that life throws at us and we will come out the other side. Maybe not as the same individuals but certainly as a united couple. I have put a lot of thought into what it means to be married "until death do you part" and what it means to be a parent. Have the parents out there reading this blog thought about what happens after you have done the huge task of raising your children together. Do you know what happens? Your children leave you. Then they become a family with someone who wasn't part of your family. And what are you left with? Your spouse. I know at times on the journey of raising my children i have asked myself who do I love more. The answer to me is so clear now. No body can question how much I love my children it is so evident in everything that I do. But I love my husband more. He is my one true ally in this fight that is called life!
2. If you want a marriage to last communication is paramount. I have always been a great communicator (have you ever heard me shut up?!) Nathan not so much but he has learnt over the years. Not just how to say what he means (And he is still working on that!) but also listening to me and hearing what I'm saying. During our debacle i went to bed crying. The more I cried the more I realised i was angry at Nathan. When I realised what i was feeling and that this feeling could eat me up I said to myself "Jennifer Rickard you have 24 hours to be angry at Nathan but you have to tell him that you are going to be angry at him for that time and he has to cop everything you dish out." I eventually fell asleep and in the morning I told him I was angry at him and he said he knew I was and he could understand why. And then do you know what happened? I wasn't angry anymore! So he still overs me 12 hours of anger!
Anyway the purpose of this blog entry is to get all of this off my chest so I can move on with the funny entries about poo that so many people are apparently amused by! So here they come!


And by the way the debacle had nothing to do with Nathan hurting me or the children in case it sounds that way! He did nothing other than the right and moral thing in the circumstances. Just sometimes doing the right thing is not easy!